Will Rogers never met a man he didn't like. Samuel L. Jackson feels that way about paychecks.

So I've decided it's time for a trivia leaderboard in the Cheerful Tortoise. This will serve a few purposes: a) allow teams that consistently cream the competition (cough*Naked Bike Ride Photographers*cough) to flaunt their badassery in the face of hungover grad students all week long, b) keep track of the teams who appear most often to award monthly and quarterly prizes, and c) rub in how much fun we're having here every Tuesday.

Last night's prizes included the Schoolhouse Rock soundtrack, a copy of the U.S. Constitution, some The Kids Are All Right wife-beaters, and the Lake Oswego edition of Monopoly, which sounds pretty cool until you think about how a game of that would play out.

Last night's questions and correct answers:

PIECE OF CAKE
1. What string instrument is capable of playing the highest notes in an orchestra? A: violin
2. Held on grass courts since 1877 in a suburb of London, what is the oldest and most prestigious tennis championship on earth? A: Wimbledon
3. Who commanded the ship the “Jolly Roger” in J.M. Barrie’s play Peter Pan? A: Captain Hook
4. Which of the following is NOT a Weird Al Yankovic song: “White and Nerdy”, “Bohemian Polka,” “The Pick of Destiny”, or “Phony Calls”? A: “The Pick of Destiny”

SUCK IT, TREBEK!
1. Originally titled Fiesta, a title which it retains in England and most of its translations, what Hemingway novel was published in America under a name inspired by the Biblical book of Ecclesiastes? A: The Sun Also Rises
2. In Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s “The Rime of the Ancient Mariner”, with what weapon does the mariner kill an albatross? A: crossbow
3. What kind of animal does the adjective vulpine describe? A: Fox
4. Which nation joined the Group of Seven in 1997 to form the G8? A: Russia

AMERICA, FUCK YEAH
1. According to an urban legend, what is the only U.S. state allowed to fly its flag at the same height as the American flag? A: Texas
2. The 18th amendment enacting Prohibition was passed in 1919; however, a state law had already gone into effect banning alcohol in Oregon how many years earlier? A: 3 (1916)
3. Which U.S. president spoke fluent Dutch at home with his wife, and is thought to have coined the term “okay”? A: Van Buren
4. What was the codename of the mission launched by a U.S.-led coalition in 1990 to prevent Iraq from invading Saudi Arabia? A: Operation Desert Shield

GEOGRAPHY
1. Disko Island, one of the world’s 100 largest islands, contains over 2,000 hot springs and, surprisingly, no dance clubs. Off the coast of what country is it located? A: Greenland
2. There are four Commonwealths in the United States; the rest are States. Name three of them. A: MA, KY, PA, VA
3. Which of the world’s four major oceans has the highest salt content? A: Atlantic
4. What eastern state has the country’s shortest shoreline, at 14 miles? A: New Hampshire

WHOEVER SPELT IT, DEALT IT
1. acquiesce (to relent)
2. aneurysm (brain injury)
3. prescience (foreknowledge of things; clairvoyance)
4. crustacean (sea critter)
5. sentient (aware)
6. prosthesis (artificial body part)
7. urinary (relating to urine)

SAMUEL L. MOTHERFUCKIN’ JACKSON
1. In 2001, Samuel L. Jackson gave Marvel Comics permission to use his likeness for their “Ultimate” version of what comic book character? A: Nick Fury
2. What 1991 film starring Wesley Snipes prompted the Cannes Film Festival to create a Best Supporting Actor award for Samuel L. Jackson’s performance? A: Jungle Fever
3. In the Star Wars prequel trilogy, what aspect of SLJ’s character, Mace Windu, did the filmmakers change at his request? A: the color of his lightsaber (to purple)
4. Some might call it a name fit for a king. What does the “L” in Samuel L. Jackson stand for? A: Leroy

STUMPED IN STUMPTOWN
1. As part of the bicentennial celebration of the United States, an American flag and an Oregon flag, each measuring 15 x 25 feet, were mounted on the crest of the Fremont Bridge in 1976. How tall are their flagpoles? A: 50 feet
2. On average, which of the following is the busiest section of highway in the Portland metro area: the 1-5 Interstate Bridge (between PDX and Vancouver), the Vista Ridge Tunnels on Route 26 (PDX and Beaverton), the 1-205 Glenn Jackson Memorial Bridge (East PDX and Vancouver), or Route 217 (between Beaverton and Tigard)? A: Vista Ridge Tunnels (139,300 average daily traffic volume)
3. After attracting attention from local health officials, Voodoo Doughnuts opted to remove a donut from their menu that was glazed with what? A: NyQuil
4. Opened in 2001, the Portland Streetcar operates on a one-way route from NW 23rd Ave along Lovejoy, 11th Ave, and across the PSU campus to the South Waterfront, a distance of approximately how many miles? A: 4 miles